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  • Bailin Pollard

Oxford Bull

You all probably think I make these questions up, but would you believe that people actually need advice sometimes? Submit questions to myself or Mr. Cartier! We are better than your shrink!

Is it okay to rove around the salad bar when I only want one or two items? I often receive looks when I dart in front to grab an item, while they build huge structures that take time from the others in line. I'm hungry and busy. I don't usually make anything of it, but it feels unfair. Are the looks deserved, and what can I do? - Anon

Watch out for some salad puns, Reader. Here we go. Lettuce consider the opposing side's view, since you so clearly articulated yours. I imagine that the people giving you looks object more to your "cutting" the line on principle than they actually care that you've gone ahead of them. A simple "excuse me" or "do you mind if I..." can go a long way. After all, you likely are affecting them insignificantly. If I were you, I wouldn't carrot all about the looks, because if they had any real grievances they would approach you.

Many times a week there is toothpaste in the water fountain in the dorms. It's been discussed at dorm meetings but nothing has changed. What to do? There are times when I need to work on a school computer but they are full. When I ask a student that is using the Internet and they say no, what should I do?

The answers to both these questions are simple. Gentlemen, we share this living space. For the sake of the community, please use the facilities fairly, whether that means spitting and rinsing in the sink, or conceding your computer to somebody who actually needs it. Be courteous. Anarchy doesn't suit Oxford.

There is a strange smell in my room and I don't know what it is. We have opened our window for hours, and the stench remains. We are used to it, but teachers find it offensive. How can we ditch the smell?

Don't store bodies in your room. I started burying them by Coach's house weeks ago. They can be a bother to drag around but you won't regret it. If you can't move the bodies, I recommend lemon and seltzer for blood on your carpet, and Lysol for the walls and closets. Fun fact: Lemon Pledge brand cleaning solution actually has more lemon in it than Minute Maid brand lemonade. Crazy right? Both, however are acidic enough to dissolve a corpse in a bathtub. Just make sure you don't pull a Jesse and melt the floor.


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