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  • Ruslan Tangborn

Oxford's Most Wanted

Hello and welcome to the first issue of Oxford's Most Wanted, Westbrook's newest and best police blotter. This tabloid will cover everything from major crimes to daily infractions. Term 4 has been a static one for detentions and roomings. However it has been on a general upward trend according to Commissioner LaSota. Hopefully this will turn into a downtrend soon as the Commissioner has made a statement to our correspondent discussing a higher rollout in terms of manpower.


Oxford Court Statements: Approximately Sunday the 20th of March at around 6:50 pm local resident and teacher Mr. Switaj reported a loud repeated banging upon his window as well as his door which resulted in his dog becoming riled up. A report was filed to the current Head of Major Crimes, Mr. Lindquist and after a sharp investigation and a review of security tapes the individuals responsible were apprehended and brought before the courts where justice was dispensed.


Commissioner's APB's The highly prolific kitchenette bandits are still wanted by the Justice Department for their daring heists ranging anywhere from the middle of the day to late in the evening. Our correspondent managed to speak to one of the victims Chris Carreiro who had a slew of items taken from him including pizza, ice cream, soda, and other snacks. His statement was that "He didn't feel safe entrusting his food into the facilities that were provided." Head of Major Crimes, Mr. Lindquist hopes through the installation of new security measures that said robberies will cease. Any subjects with any information as to the whereabouts or identities of these individuals are instructed to report their information to Commissioner LaSota.


Rewards for information that lead to the apprehension of these individuals may or may not be given out depending on the usefulness of the information.


The newly minted kitchen sink vandals are wanted by the Oxford Justice Department for crimes including clogging sinks, and not cleaning up their messes. So far the crimes have been relatively separate in time however Commissioner LaSota still has made warrants for their apprehension. In a statement made by unnamed officials the proper authorities are hot on the tail of a few suspects.


Any subjects with any information as to the whereabouts or identities of these individuals are instructed to report their information to Commissioner LaSota. Rewards for information that lead to the apprehension of these individuals may or may not be given out depending on the usefulness of the information.



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